Leos was gone from Thursday 4:30am until Sunday 11am and unfortunately during this time Amaya got sick for the first time. On Wednesday afternoon she was starting to have a fever. She was incredibly fussy and couldn't sleep from Wednesday evening to Thursday morning. It was so difficult because Leos needed to leave at 4:30am to catch his flight to London. I had plans the whole time he was gone to keep myself and Amaya busy, but I had to cancel everything. I had to cancel her Mala Okinawa class, my parents visit and plans with a friend. Her fever didn't go down on Thursday, so Leos called her pediatrician and she said I needed to come in with Amaya the next day. She told me that a lot of children were having fevers due to covid and she wanted to test Amaya for it. She said that if Amaya didn't have covid, she would need to do a blood prick test. So, I was actually relieved when Amaya tested positive for covid. The doctor told me that covid this year isn't as strong as the previous years and to just give Amaya medicine if her temperature went above 38C. Luckily, I didn't need to give her any more medicine from Friday at 5am. It was so hard to be at home by myself without any help while she was sick for the first time. My mom offered to come and help, but I didn't want her to catch covid. On Saturday, I really needed a salt spray from the pharmacy to clear Amaya's nose. Unfortunately, it didn't come to my mind to message my friend who has a child because when I told her about Amaya's fever and how I was by myself, she said she would've helped me immediately. In the future I'll need to do a better job for just asking for help. Going to the pharmacy with Amaya on Saturday wasn't the best, but at the time I felt it was my only option. It was so hard to feel not supported. Saturday night I took breast milk out of the freezer because I knew I would need to clear my head from all the cries and fussiness I had to deal with by myself for the past couple of days while Leos got to be on holiday. In the evening after I fed Amaya, I decided to go for a long walk and act like a tourist. It was so good to just get out and walk without listening to any cries. I was only gone for 2.5 hours, but it felt so nice. I even made it to the narrowest alley and had it all to myself, which was a huge surprise because every time I walk by it there is always a line. When I exited the alley, a line had already formed! I truly was lucky to have it all to myself.
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